Thursday, August 28, 2008
There has been a lot going on this week. Things that are deep and make me reflect on life and what this really is all about. I've always liked Alanis Morisette. She was there for with her "Jagged Little Pill" CD right about the time I felt like I swallowed 100 jagged little pills when my engagement to Jim ended in 1994. I was young and blinded by (what I thought was) love. Jim needed someone to take care of him and, at first, I was willing to do be that person. I KNEW I could save him from bi-polar disorder. Wow. Who was I kidding? I couldn't. We broke up. He moved out of state to run from the pain. My friends took me out a lot and I drank loads of Long Island Ice Teas (thanks, Michele!) He came back a couple of years later, visited me at work, and asked me to put the ring back on my finger. His exact words were "lets pretend nothing happened." I said no thanks. We hugged and parted company and didn't see each other again. In July 2002, he died of a massive heart attack. I always think of him when I hear Alanis so when I heard her song, "Ironic," this week it was not surprising that my first flash was of Jim. I started really listening to the lyrics and found my mind going in all sorts of weird directions. Alanis sings, "Well life has a funny way of sneaking up on you When you think everything's okay and everything's going right. And life has a funny way of helping you out when You think everything's gone wrong and everything blows up In your face." For me that last line is so true. I thought life had ended when Jim and I broke up. Of course it didn't. I moved on, dated the "Dans" (not at the same time, they just happened to share a name.) I won't rehash the details of the "Dans", but lets just say it was interesting 5 years. Then, about 10 years ago I realized that I was falling in love with the really wonderful guy I was trying to pair off with my friends. And the rest, as they say, is history. My mind then wandered to two very major, life altering events happening to friends of ours at this moment. One pertains to the first line of Ironic, and the other, the second. One friend is battling cancer and we can hope for a miracle. It's the same cancer that took my Dad from me at a young age and it is so hard to watch another family go through this at an even younger age. The other friends are downsizing a house, a lifetime of memories and stuff. It seems unthinkable at this time, but I'm hopeful that a new lifestyle will open many paths and bring happiness in ways they can't imagine right now. Both situations have made me reflect on the fragility of life and the path we think our life is going to take. A moment, a breath, a wrong turn can change so much about that course. We all walk a tenuous path. I know I do. I take things around me for granted all the time. Relationships, money, health. Thinking about these situations are two big whacks upside the head for me. Now, I just need to focus on not taking things and people around me for granted. I've got two big reminders pulling at my pant legs right now.