Monday, June 2, 2008

The Hillbilly Bears

Once upon a time there was an ugly yellow and brown house. It looked like an old school Arby's. The owners, Bill & Shelley, decided to go with a nice new grey siding with darker grey trim. Estimates were sought and a local company (we all know that Bill & Shel like to keep their money local) presented a very good price so they were hired.

Little did they know they just hired the Hillbilly Bears to work on the house.

....cue the Sandford & Son theme song.....

Last Monday a dilapidated red van pulls up to the house and out come the Hillybilly Bears. I can not even begin to explain the myriad of issues we (I) have had with this crew. We previously used this company to do our roof in the fall and they did a nice job except for cleaning up the nails after the job was over. I told them before we hired them for this job that I expected the nails and screws to be cleaned up every night since the kids are outside playing now. It was not going to be an issue.

Day #1 of construction (mostly destruction) ends. The next morning I go to take the garbage out and this is what the back steps look like.

Nails and screws strewn about. I call Bill. He calls Head Bear and tells him. Says OK they will bring a magnet and clean up.

Day 2- There is a voluptuous blond woman on the crew now. My mom asked if she was Tim the Toolman's sidekick. Probably, although she works pretty darn hard. On this day it is brought to our attention that we have no (as in zero) insulation in this house. Do we want them to do this while they have the siding off? We debate and decide it is a good idea since we are so close to the lake and the winds really kick through the house in the winter.
On this day I notice one of the Bears spending some time in our woods. Just marking his territory I guess. Totally gross and Head Bear will hear about this as well.


It gets better.

After they "clean up" for the day, I look outside and on our back step is an unopened beer can. Before jumping to conclusions I ask Bill if he happened to take a beer outside since it is his flavor.


If I wanted to hire men that drink on the job, I'd easily give the job to Bill and Sam!!!!

Head Bear is not too happy with this report, but kind of mumbles something along the lines of "boys will be boys" type talk. WRONG ANSWER.

Day 3- A new bear joins the crew, I call him Smokey. The world is his ashtray. I finally told him that one of the kids had breathing problems and he needed to smoke in the driveway instead of standing on the ladder and blowing smoke INTO my house. The bear-mobile is also leaking oil in the driveway, but I let this one go. For today.

Day 4- Last Friday. They are going to begin blowing the insulation. They wear no protective gear (why bother when you have a cancer stick in your mouth every 5 minutes, I guess.) They start at the back of the house near our kitchen sink. I'm in the dining room and for some reason turn to look and it is snowing in our kitchen. THE INSULATION IS BLOWING IN THE HOUSE! I panic. The kind of anger creeps in that OJ probably experienced as he killed Nicole and Ron. I am literally seeing red, with white flecks of insulation falling in front of me. I can feel my throat start to get dry and my eyes start to burn. Bill is working from home that day to keep an eye on the bears (I'm sure he was sick of me bitching about them so he needed to see for himself.) I start to yell at him to tell them to STOP.

The foreman bear walks in the house and says "Gee, I only ever seen that happen once in 20 years. It's non toxic though."

Great. Thanks for the input. Who is going to clean this shit off my curtains, cabinets, appliances, etc?!?

I storm upstairs and start gathering clothes, necessities and toys for the kids. I am done. At this point they have gotten about a 15 minute nap and they are due at the hair salon in less than 2 hours for their first haircuts. I am not going to have their little lungs filled with the crap.

I tell Bill I am checking into a suites hotel and we will return when the construction is over. Maybe. That is how mad I was. I just wanted my kids out of dodge.

While this is going on Bill tries to call the Head Bear. Repeatedly. We later find out that he has lost his cell phone.

I load the kids , get them some food and go to my Mom's house. We sit on her patio and enjoy some peace, quiet, and insulation-free air.

Bill calls and says they have continued to work their way around the outside of the house and no more insulation has come in. It was a fluke in the kitchen and he was sorry. I was sorry too. I really lost it for a few moments there and just went into some bizarre survivalist-mommy mode. Get the kids out, that was all I could see. I was like the Terminator looking for Sarah Connor.

As of today, the insulation is finished and they can pick up with the siding. I can only hope that goes quickly and with no more issues. I need these bears out of my life. I need to get a garden in and all their stuff is all over my yard.

Anyway, this is what the siding will look like when it is done. The grey on the left. The old stuff on the right looks cream in this picture, but it is really an awful yellow.


Anonymous said...

The "head bears" name wouldn't happen to be Brian, would it?? Sounds similiar to the people that I hired....the blonde woman worked harder than all the men combined!!!

Anonymous said...

Wow! What an ordeal! You are going to tell your friends the name of this company so we are all forewarned should we need siding in the future, right?

Anonymous said...

This sounds like something from the Three Stooges!

I know there is such a thing as 'buyer beware' but there is also the better business bureau and perhaps some kind of organization for the building industry???

Good luck and God Bless YOU!

PS: Don't feel guilty about getting angry about any of this - you are the victim here....they deserve it - what are they doing in business???? Geez.